#maybe YOU should check your 'film history'

[pinkeoni]

i think that the take that horror is meant to be "bad, cheaply made b movies" is as reductive to the genre as the take that the only good horror is recent "elevated" horror

[neroushalvaus]

Okay I am going to use the Somerton situation to talk about something that is very important to me. Following the discussion I have seen former Somerton fans being disappointed in themselves and questioning how they can ever trust another video essayist again. I have also seen some people being smug because to them Somerton was obviously unreliable from the start. As a person who also saw the "red flags" in Somerton, I would like to skip the smugness and talk a bit about what the red flags were to me.

Someone else has probably posted something similar and Hbomberguy's & Todd in the Shadows's videos touched a few of these points, but they didn't focus on them or how to spot these things. I think it is a good thing: I think it would have reinforced the idea that Somerton's fans were to blame for being lied to, and these youtubers didn't want to pin any blame on the fans. Also, some of the things I'm going to talk about were not by any means proof of him being unreliable, they were common tropes I personally associate with people who are bullshitting on internet. Think of it as something like spotting terfs: If you consider following a tumblr user and find out they have at some point posted "males will always be a danger to females no matter what they say", it is very possible that they are not a terf. Maybe they were having a bad day and were just wording their post badly – But you should probably search "trans" from their blog before following them, just to be sure.

So, the tropes in James Somerton's content that I consider red flags:

Lack of sources. This one may seem obvious and Hbomb talked about this in his video, but the lack of sources in his videos was outrageous. Video essays are called essays for a reason, they are not supposed to be just a guy talking about whatever comes to his mind, they should be well researched essays. Obviously video essays should contain one's own thoughts and interpretations and those do not need citations. But James Somerton didn't come out of the womb knowing everything about LGBT history, Disney and film theory, if he actually knew something about all this stuff, he should have learnt it from somewhere. There should be sources he could point to. It is very common that even when a video essayist doesn't tell you where they got all their information, they open their video by saying stuff like "when I prepared for this video I read the book Also sprach Zarathustra by Friedrich Nietzsche and this one thrilling blog post about lesbian cruising in 1960s Sweden". From what I've seen, James does not really do this. From watching his videos you could arrive to the conclusion that James Somerton does not read any books, he just knows everything. There are situations where people don't feel the need to add sources, like when the information is considered common knowledge or when the topic relates heavily to the essayist's actual academic field or profession. This is okay and very understandable, but can sometimes be dangerous, since if the video essayist markets himself as a marketing specialist, people are more likely to take his word for stuff that has to do with marketing, even without sources. It is understandable that in many situations an essayist may think "why should I cite a source? I know this thing!", but doing your research well is partly about checking if the information you are certain of is actually true. Also, as Hbomb pointed out, if you can cite a source, your audience can go learn more about the subject. It's not about anyone doubting you know your stuff, it's about learning. That's why well-respected video essayists usually cite their sources very clearly.

Lack of pictures and screenshots. This is about different kinds of sources again, many things on this list are kind of about sources. An example: When James Somerton made a video about JKR, he mentioned something about Rowling at one time saying that trans students in 30-50Feralhogs (or whatever the wizard school is called) could use magic to present as their gender. If this was any other video essayist, you'd expect a tweet to pop up, or something else confirming Rowling ever said this. Nothing pops up, obviously because Rowling didn't say this, but you can't see anything fishy in that because things rarely pop up in Somerton's videos. He doesn't show you court documents when speaking about a court case, he doesn't show you the comments apparently mad at him for implying the gay anime is gay when he is complaining about people being mad at him. There is a reason people show screenshots and tweets in video essays. When a good video essayist says JK Rowling has tweeted that all people who menstruate should be referred to as women, the video essayist shows the tweet so people know they are not making it up. If there were hoards of annoying bitc-- I mean, angry white women whining about gay sex in HuffPost articles or Somerton's youtube comments, he should have no trouble showing you those. Remember that you should not trust someone just because they show you pictures or screenshots. Pictures can be photoshopped, screenshots can be doctored. Many youtubers are aware that you listen to their videos while cleaning or while walking your dog and don't actually see the screen all the time, and some may take advantage of that by saying something like "and here she threatened to kill me" while showing a text message where someone said "die mad about it". A screenshot alone isn't much but you should demand to see the screenshot.

Passive voice. I am once again bitching about this. Somerton repeatedly says things like "it's been said that" or "it was common knowledge that" or "a legend says that" or "according to most interpretations". He doesn't say who says it, making it very hard to fact check and that seems to be his goal in some cases.

Relying heavily on anecdotes. Writing a dense, analytical video about film theory or history can be exhausting and you may want to pepper in little fun facts. However Somerton seemed to rely on these heavily; he can't just talk about how he has totally bought every lie told by The Pink Swastika, he also needs to tell a cute little anecdote about SS men forcing sexual favours out of men. He can't just tell a story about a court case, he needs to add in ridiculous stuff about the jury booing. This is what I mean by not all the things on this list being necessarily proof of someone being unreliable. Many people use anecdotes and little stories in their storytelling, it makes the videos flow better and it's hard to decide which anecdotes are valid and which are not. A source obviously makes an anecdote a bit more believable, but here are some things that instantly make me fact check an anecdote:

It's a bit too convenient, poetic or ironic. Sometimes real life is weirder than fiction but if an anecdote is "perfect" and has an amazing punchline and you could write twelve poems about it, there is a possibility it was invented by pop science books.

It assumes your political enemies are stupid. Dunking on conservatives, MRAs and transphobes is always fun and after you've seen a lot of this kind of content it's easy to believe anything about these people. You must resist the impulse to believe everything that may make your opponents look stupid.

The person telling the anecdote implies it is an example of a larger, systemic problem. You know what's worse than taking a random happenstance from human history or internet and basing an entire political theory on it? The said random happenstance being made up. You should in general be wary of people telling one story and explaining why it's an example of everything that's wrong in the world. We live in a huge world. You can always find a white woman who loves cute gays but hates the idea of Nick Heartstopper and Charlie Heartstopper getting nasty but that doesn't mean it's an indicator of a larger issue.

Simplifying complex issues. We all know that "only the boring gays survived the AIDS crisis, and that's why gays started to only care about marriage equality and military" is a horrible, insensitive thing to say, but you also have to think about it for like two seconds to realize that it can't be correct. It kind of reminds me of the "roe v wade caused the crime drop of 1990s" claim in Freakonomics. It sounds logical and simple, like a basic math calculation. Societal issues rarely are like that, though. You should never believe anyone who tells you about a huge societal shift and says it happened because of one thing and one thing only.

These were some of the things I noticed in Somerton's content that caused me to distrust him. I hope these were helpful to you and feel free to add your own "red flags" if you feel like it!

[incendiobrock]

The Driskill Hotel {Chris Sturniolo}

Summary: fem!reader x bf!Chris go to Austin, Texas with Matt and Nick to film a video for Sam and Colby's channel at the Driskill Hotel. The reader is very sensitive to the supernatural and gets convinced to do the elevator ritual alone... What could possibly go wrong? ;)

Warnings: anxiety/panic attacks, ghostly encounters, fear of elevators, language, FLUFFFFF

A/N: I know this video is from awhile ago but I've had this idea and couldn't stop thinking about it. I started my page with imagines like this for Colby x reader and so I wanted to throw it back to my roots and make a Chris x reader (because I'm a die hard Chris girl)

Part 2??

You had been a fan of Sam and Colby for years, enjoying their content and being fascinated with their supernatural findings. There was always a part of you that was convinced you had a special connection with the supernatural, feeling extremely vulnerable and tethered to their world. Maybe it was due to your empathic nature, or maybe you were a undiscovered medium that hadn’t tapped into your powers.

You never tapped into your "abilities" because you were scared of what could possibly come from speaking to the dead. But when Nick, Matt, and Chris (and yourself) got asked to join in for an XPLR video on Sam and Colby's channel, you all knew that you couldn't pass it down. This is what led you all to Austin, Texas where the historic, haunted, Driskill Hotel was located.

The night had started somewhat normal, you all walked through the hotel with a tour guide where she explained the history of the building as well as the ghost inhabitants. Throughout the tour you would catch glimpses of shadow figures on the wall, hearing inaudible voices, and being extra sensitive to smells like cigar smoke and roses. The fear was definitely building inside of you when you observed that none of the rest of the group seemed to be experiencing the same things you were. You did your best to hold it together, knowing the triplets were excited to be included in the video, and not wanting to ruin your own experience of an inner fangirl being on an XPLR trip.

As the tour wrapped up and the night went on, Sam and Colby began to lead the investigation portion of their video. You stayed glued to Chris' side, feeling comfort in his presence, even with everything going on around you. Chris held an EMF reader in his left hand as his right hand was busy interlocking your fingers, running his thumb over your knuckles soothingly. He couldn't tell if you were nervous or if you were just trying to hone in on filming the video since you were all a guest to Sam and Colby's channel.

You and Chris stayed slightly behind the group as you made your way over to the elevators on the main lobby for the next part of the video, the elevator ritual. The elevators had already been acting up earlier in the night, not wanting to take you guys up to the floor you had requested. Elevators weren't necessarily your favorite inventions, a slight irrational fear of being stuck in one or one falling with you inside.

"Matt, the ghosts seem to really like you. Maybe you should be the one to do the ritual." You heard Sam say, observing how the EMF in Matt's hand continued to light up to red as they crossed through the grand lobby. As you passed by the receptionist desk you saw the figure of a tall man dart across the wall, making you subconsciously squeeze Chris' hand out of fright. "What's up baby? You okay?" Chris asked softly, pausing in his tracks to check up on you.

"Did you see that?" You asked him back, hoping that maybe you weren't going as crazy as you thought you were. Chris furrowed his eyebrows, glancing around the rotunda, trying to see whatever it was you were talking about. "See what?"

You let out a shaky breath, your palms becoming clammy as all the supernatural sensitivity was beginning to catch up to you. The hand that was holding onto Chris' disconnected as you rubbed the sweat on your pants, "I keep seeing shadows on the walls..." Chris frowns at your reply, wrapping his arms over your shoulders and pulling you into a hug. His lips pressed a firm kiss on your forehead, "I won't let anything hurt you, I promise."

"Chris! Y/n! You guys coming?" Colby asked, staring at you two from down the hall where they had stopped in front of the elevators. "Yeah we're coming, sorry!" Chris responded, gently pulling away from the hug and instantly wrapping his hand back in yours. As you stood in front of the elevator doors Sam explained to the camera, and to all of you, what the elevator ritual would consist of.

"y/n, will you do the honors?" Sam questioned, pulling your out of your trance and causing your jaw to drop open. "Huh? What?" You stuttered, not registering what he had elected you to do for this ritual.

"Do you want to do the ritual?" He rephrased, looking at you with big, hopeful eyes. Your body tensed at the thought, not only did elevators terrify you, but you had already been experiencing paranormal things the whole night. "You don't have to if you don't want." Chris said, breaking the short silence that filled the room, knowing you were already on edge and trying to stand up for you in case you were wary about doing it. "Uh, yeah, I think I could do it... I would just need to write down the order of the floors." You said, uncertainty filling your voice.

"Awesome! I'll text it to you." Sam said, beginning to type up a message to send to your phone. A lump began to form in your throat as you awaited the notification being sent to you. Chris gently rubbed your lower back, doing his best to calm your anxiety without bringing too much attention to your state, understanding that you didn't like when others were aware of your intimate emotions. Your phone vibrated in your hand, looking down to see the message;

12:00AM

Sam: 4, 2, 6, 2, 10, 5, 1

"Okay it's exactly midnight, you have to start now." Colby said, pressing the up button and watching the elevator door open. You took the camera from him, not saying a word as you faced the elevator. You swallowed the lump in your throat, knowing there was no way you could back out of this now. Stepping into the elevator you instantly felt chills run up your spine.

"Now remember, when you get to the fifth floor a lady might join you. If she does then when you try to come back down to the lobby the elevator will actually go up to the tenth floor, that's how we will know it worked. If it comes back down to one then the lady didn't enter and the ritual failed." Sam said, reminding you and the audience how things were supposed to go.

Shakily, your finger made its way up to press the number four, officially beginning the ritual. The door slowly shut in front of you, keeping eye contact with Chris until you couldn't anymore. The elevator rose and the door opened, nobody was there. Floor two, nothing.

Sixth floor.

Second floor, again.

Tenth floor.

Then finally, the fifth floor. Your breath caught in your throat as the elevator door opened unusually slow, revealing an empty hallway. 'This is just a game', 'It's not real', you tried reminding yourself as your heart beat uncontrollably inside your chest. You waited for a couple seconds before pressing the button for the first floor, praying that this stupid ritual hadn't actually worked. The doors shut and the elevator began to descend back to the first floor, allowing you to let out a breath you didn't even realize you were holding. "I guess the ritual failed guys," You lightly giggled talking into the camera, feeling relief wash over your whole body.

"Woah!" You yelped, almost dropping the camera as the elevator slightly dropped, the lights inside flickering. The screen above the door signaling that you were on the third floor. Before you knew it the elevator came to a halt, stopping dead in its tracks on the third floor.

"What? Oh no, no, no, no, no..." You whispered, panic rising inside of you as you dropped the camera to the floor and made your way to the control panel. You smashed the button for the first floor over and over again, hoping the elevator would start to move again. Nothing was happening however, the buttons not even lighting up when you pressed them. You began to reach into your back pocket for your phone, pulling it out to call Chris.

The dial tone played as you dropped to the floor in a seated position, legs shaking beneath you. After three rings Chris' voice filled your left ear, "Hey babe, why did you stop on the third floor? We were waiting for you to come back down-" He said quickly before you cut him off.

"Chris! The elevator is stuck! I don't know what to do, I'm freaking the fuck out!" Your breath became labored as you heaved in and out, feeling like no matter how much air you inhaled it wasn't reaching your lungs correctly. "Woah, woah. Okay, calm down please! Just breath alright? Listen to my breathing!" Chris instructed, knowing you were on the verge of a panic attack.

He let out slow, steady breaths of air while your vision began to blur with tears. Your head started to heat up and your ears began to ring, "I-I can't Chris... I can't breathe!" You huffed, clenching your hand over your aching heart.

"The elevators stuck, somebody go try and find someone to help!" You faintly heard Chris yell to the other boys, holding the phone away from his ear so it wasn't directed to you. "Yes you can, I believe in you babe. Nick is going to get some help, okay? Just hang in there." He continued to comfort you through the phone, coaching your breath back to normal as Nick found an employee. After five minutes, which felt like an eternity to you, the elevator doors where being pried open. The elevator had stopped just barely off center to the second floor, making the door inoperable on your side.

When the doors were finally opened you couldn't help but let the tears you had been containing fall, all the overwhelming fear catching up to your eyes. The employee held out a hand for you as you jumped the three foot distance onto the second floor lobby, landing slightly unsteady as the tears blurred your vision. Chris rushed over to you, faster than you had ever seen him move before, pulling you deep into his embrace.

"There, there, I got you. I got you, don't worry." He said, running his big hand through your hair. Your arms wrapped tightly around his torso, scared that he might disappear if you didn't hold him close. Tears stained his jacket sleeve as you buried your head into his shoulder. You both stayed like that for awhile, the others watching as you crumbled into Chris' arms.

Once you had finally cooled down, you all sat on some couches that were in the main lobby. You drank some water that Nick had brought for you as you stayed by Chris' side, his arm wrapped over your shoulders. "Y/n, I am so so sorry that the elevator got stuck. I had no idea that was going to happen and I feel horrible. I didn't realize you were scared of elevators." Sam apologized to you, feeling guilty that he had put you in this position in the first place.

"Sam, it's not your fault! How would you have known the elevator was going to get stuck?" You said sincerely, appreciating his apology even though he had nothing to do with the unfortunate situation.

"If you guys need to call it a night and go back to your hotel, we completely understand." Colby said, offering to end the night where it was instead of finishing out the investigation. "No, it's okay. I'm good now, really. There's no need to scrap the rest of the video just because of me." You reassured, wanting the boys to finish the video they had put so much effort into already.

"Are you sure?" Chris asked you.

"Yes, I'm sure. Now who's ready for the Estes Method?"

[bwabys-scenarios]

Anything for his mission

Camboy!Kurapika x Fem!Reader

!!REBLOGS APPRECIATED!!

warnings: consensually filming sex, handjob, mentions of pregnancy/breeding

A/N: Feel free to send camboy!Kurapika requests! Also, I posted this in my discord months ago. If you want to see more stuff like this, you should join! Here’s the link

taglist: @desiray562

if you would like to be added to the NSFW taglist, comment a ❤️!! make sure you have your AGE in your bio, and that you’re able to be tagged/mentioned!

Kurapika discovers that side of the internet one night when he’s researching a paper trail of some person different social media accounts.

He’s absolutely mortified at first. Immediately he’s shutting his laptop and glancing at a picture of you he keeps on his nightstand.

Kurapika hesitantly opens the laptop back up, sighing to himself. ‘I’ll just check out the information on that account then delete my search history.’

He doesn’t even know why he’s embarrassed and ashamed, it’s not like you and him are together. Why would you care if he’s visiting some adult website? He’s nearly 20 for gods sake!

He searches through the account, not finding anything to interesting… except that the person has a type.

Skinny blonde boys.

Kurapika blinks. The person he’d been researching had multiple pairs of the scarlet eyes, and so far he hadn’t been able to find any weaknesses in the persons defenses.

Maybe Kurapika would have to get creative…

You blink when Kurapika comes home with a box, not letting you look inside of. You become curious when he locks his door, leaving a “do not disturb” sign on the handle.

This curiosity peaks when you’re searching up some porn to get off to tonight. Despite your embarrassment, you look up people that look similar to your long term crush, Kurapika. He was just so pretty to you, after all, and you couldn’t get off if the person didn’t look like him :((

As you search one night, you come across an account with an awfully familiar username.

“Pika”

You stare at the name for a second, nearly laughing at yourself. “There’s no way, Kurapika would never-“

You click on the profile, and sure enough, from the lips down is YOUR Pika, sat shyly on his bed, jerking off.

He looked stiff, robotic almost. He couldn’t be enjoying himself, and you could see it in the uncomfortable grimace he was making.

The comments were telling him pretty much the same thing.

“Aww, come on pretty boy, give us a smile.”

“You look uncomfortable af”

You sigh, pulling your hands from your panties. Your poor, poor Pika. He had to be doing this for a reason, and it obviously wasn’t for his own pleasure.

You tiptoe to his room, thanking god that he had left his door unlocked. His back was turned from the door, and using In you were able to sneak up behind him.

“Pika, baby, let me help.”

He gasped when he felt your lips on his neck, the blondes face turning a dark shade of red. “(N-Name)!”

“I saw you were live. You know, if you asked I would have helped you out.”

He gasped when your hand wrapped around his length, thumb brushing against his tip. “Poor, poor Pika. Not used to jerking off, huh? Lemme help you feel good.”

The comments come pouring in, but neither of you cared. “Shh, just focus on how my hand feels, okay?”

He whimpered, and you kissed him, allowing his tongue to explore your mouth.

It didn’t take long for him to cum, painting his chest. You kissed his cheek, giggling at his spent expression.

You glanced at the comments, giggling.

“Oh god that was hot!”

“DOMINATE HIM!”

“I love blonde twinks”

“pretty cumshot 😩”

Kurapika cleared his throat, catching his breath. “Th-thank you all for coming.”

He ended the live stream, glancing back at you shyly. “I can explain.”

“You don’t have to, Pika. It’s none of my business what you do with your body.”

You kiss him again, this time the blonde realizes that you’re only wearing a pair on panties and a tanktop. His hands dip down to your waist. “I know, but I want to tell you.”

You sigh. “Sure, go ahead.”

As he shyly pulls down your panties, he continues. “Someone I’m trailing has… an interest in people that look like me.”

“Skinny, pale, blonde boys?”

Kurapika sighed at your words, pulling you into his lap. “Yes. And… I thought perhaps I could get closer to them through this… website.”

You hum, glancing back at his computer as you hover over his cock. “Why not livestream us having sex? That would get us a lot of views, possibly draw in the persons attention.”

He frowns. “I would prefer to keep love making with you intimate and in the bedroom…”

You cooed, kissing all over his face. “Aww, you’re such a cutie Pika. It’s just a suggestion, if you really don’t want to I understand.”

He held onto your hips, his cock twitching below you. “… if you think it’s a good idea, I won’t deny you.”

You laugh. “Alright. I’ll start the stream, okay?”

He nodded, barely holding himself back from pulling you onto his cock. The two of you had some sort of friends with benefits relationship that he wanted to take a step further, but was much too scared that you didn’t feel the same way he did.

“Hi everyone! As you can see, I’m about to get pounded by the lovely Pika!”

Kurapika turned red at your words, pulling you closer. “(Name)…”

He blinks, seeing the viewer count steadily rise. Kurapika does get a little pissed off at the comments, most of them talking about how much they wanted to fuck YOU.

“Ready, Pika?”

He growled, not giving you a second to think as he pushed your hips down. “Eep!”

Kurapika moved your hips up and down, moaning into your mouth. The chat was going WILD.

“YO don’t break her pussy bro 😭”

“twinks gone wild”

You gasp when you feel him pin you down onto the bed, glancing to the monitor to make sure you were still in view. Thankfully, Kurapika made sure neither of your faces would be visible, only your bodies.

“Love you… love you so so much…” he said as he pounded into your, occasionally dipping down to lock his lips with yours. You look up at him, face heating up.

“I-I love you too, Pika!”

Your words seem to affect him, making him go at an animalistic pace. Before long you can feel his cum filling you up, something he’d never done before. Kurapika had always pulled out, it was almost like he was telling you just how much he loved you by claiming your womb as his.

This continues for a while, Kurapika moving you into different positions, cooing soft praises into your ear and whispering ‘I love yous’.

Eventually the two of you collapse on the bed Kurapika reaching over to end the stream.

“Did… did you mean what you said earlier?”

He nods, pulling you into his chest. “Yes, every word.”

“Including the part where you were going to fuck me until I was pregnant?”

He stayed quiet, staring down at you with those pretty red eyes.

“Well… the thought of your stomach swelling with my seed, of you having my child…”

He kissed the top of your head. “It’s all I can think about.”

The two of you cuddle and fall asleep, forgetting about the whole reason you even started the stream earlier. Now, you were both ready to start a relationship, maybe even a family.

The next day, Kurapika is elated to see the person he’s tracking has followed his account.

“that livestream with the girl last night was hot! keep it up!”

‘It seems I’ll have to keep this up for a little while longer…’

If he kept streaming, maybe he could get closer to this person and get some valuable information…

He looks over to you, smiling as you make breakfast while he scrolls on his laptop.

“Angel, would you like to do another stream with me tonight?”

You turn, giving him a smile. “If it means I get to spend time with you, then yes!”

And he blushes, standing up to hug you from behind. “I love you…”

“I love you too!”

[ferrstappen]

LONG LIVE l Esteban Ocon

(a/n): omg the first installment of the Taylor Swift Collection. I'll admit this one was a bit of a stretch but I just had this idea and needed to get it out! I hope you enjoy it and would love to have your feedback <3

disclaimer: in this au, the reader plays the role Zendaya plays in the franchise.

summary: Esteban Ocon (aka the biggest Spiderman fan, according to himself) tried to bribe his girlfriend, gave her the silent treatment, he called her out during race weekends, but Marvel was just too good keeping their secrets. (actress!reader).

i) I said “remember this moment” in the back of my mind.

July 2018

When Esteban told his friend Lance that after months of liking every post and Instagram story of the actress playing Michelle Jones on the new Spider Man movies, he slid on her DMs in hopes she would answer, Lance laughed.

No, he didn’t laugh, he cackled.

It was July 2017, the first Spider-Man movie in the hands of Marvel Studios had just dropped and was a complete success, and of course Esteban had his team request a copy to the studios so he could host a viewing on his home theatre. 

He had avoided spoilers and even movie trailers in order to be surprised, most of his friends teased him about it, but he couldn’t careless, even dedicating that entire night to follow and stalk every cast member on Instagram. 

That’s when he noticed the gorgeous actress who played MJ, mysterious and intelligent on screen, and that’s when everything started for him. 

He googled her age, visited her Wikipedia page to see her accolades and projects, he even checked her dating history and the rumors surrounding her relationship with Tom Holland, the actor who played Spider-Man. 

His life went on, months went by where he silently liked her posts, just as another fan of the series and sequels of his favorite superhero, then he was focusing on the 2018 F1 Season, even as things turned ugly with not only having to worry about performing, but also with trying to keep his seat. 

Maybe his Instagram algorithm knew him a little too well when a Marvel fanpage showed on his timeline, announcing filming for the second movie of the Spider-Man sequel was taking place in London and Italy, and between the stress of training, press breathing on his shoulder about his future in Formula 1, he decided to take a risk.

Which takes him to his Canadian friend laughing at him. 

He made his way towards the Williams trailer where Lance was getting ready, not really caring that chances were he was going to take his seat at Racing Point, they were friends. That’s why Lance felt so comfortable staring at his friend in disbelief as he couldn’t stop the giggles that just kept coming. 

“Esteban, why would you subject yourself to being ignored? She’s from Hollywood, there’s no way she even knows who you are.” Lance tried to reason with his French friend, but Esteban shrugged. 

“It doesn’t matter, I know she’s probably not going to see it, but I have nothing to lose. It doesn’t even count as humiliation because we’ll probably never going to meet each other.”

Lance squinted his eyes at his friend. “You can’t have that attitude, dude!”

“But you just laughed on my face!” Esteban argued.

“Yes, because it’s my job as your friend, but at the same time I have to hype you up, you know?” Lance told him, but Esteban suspected he was just being too Canadian. “What did you tell her?”

Esteban sighed and scratched the back of his neck: “If she wanted to attend the British GP since they’re filming there.”

Lance let out a sound of approval. “You know? I think it could work out. Maybe you should find ways to drop how much of a fan of Spider-Man you are during press, you know? Just find a way, and then people will start ‘Oh, this Formula 1 driver is so adorable, he’s such a fanboy’.” The Canadian suggested. 

“How did you even think of that?” Esteban asked, but was interrupted by his iPhone going off, his engineer asking him where he was.

He didn’t get to talk with Lance again, just throwing himself on the hotel bed while his eyes were already closing due to stress and jetlag. Forcing himself off the bed to take a shower and then going to bed, checking his phone for one last time. 

His verified account worked in a weird way he still wasn’t able to fully grasp, only notifying him when other verified accounts messaged him or followed him.

And that’s what happened. 

Hey Esteban! I’m so sorry it’s taken so long to answer but ive been a bit busy. 

Attending Silverstone would actually be such a great time, is the invite still up? 

In case it is, this is my agent’s email so your people can give him the details ;)

The French read and reread the message at least ten times, not knowing if his mind was playing tricks with him, but when he read this notification, he gasped and dialed Lance. 

“LANCE!”

@(YNLN) started following you. 

ii) I was screaming “long live that look on your face”

(Y/N) thinks that Esteban exaggerated how much of a Spider-Man fan he was. They were officially dating now, so she figured it would eventually play down. 

God, was she wrong…

With the 2018 season finally over and Esteban not having a seat for 2019, he leaned heavily on her, even if he knew he was going to be under the wing of Mercedes for the time being, it wasn’t easy. 

She saw he was kind of down and with more free time than usual, plus they were still living the sweet first months of their relationship, so she surprised him with a guest pass and paper bracelet to allow him in the premises and set, leaving in on the table of her apartment while waiting for him to arrive for their movie date.

“Bebé, what is this?” He asked once he stepped inside your apartment, an envelope with his name written and an official Marvel stamp on it. He didn’t know what it was, but a grin was already starting to form. 

“Hello, Este. How are you? Did you miss me? Because I really missed you.” The actress placed her arms around his waist, shaking as his body trembled with a laugh before he leaned down to leave a caste kiss on her lips. 

“Of course I missed you, MJ.” He said and she playfully laughed at his nickname. “So, what is this?” He picked up the envelope. 

“It has your name on it, doesn’t it?” 

Esteban carefully moved from the embrace of his girlfriend and opened his gift, not even trying to hide the gasp that escaped his lips once he realized what was inside, carefully reading the letter inviting him to set, signed by Kevin Feige and Jon Watts, the director. 

“No, bebé… Is this for real?” He said with his accent getting thicker with excitement. 

“I think so.” She smiled before he kissed her, literally sweeping her off her feet. 

He knew he’d have to keep a low profile, the public not knowing yet about their relationship, the only one he had confided in was Lance, and now people in Mercedes knew, so it wouldn’t be long before the cat was out of the bag, but he was waiting for his girlfriend to feel comfortable to break the little comfy bubble they’d created.

They were in Venice when a black Mercedes picked them up at 4 AM, but he didn’t care. The street was closed and cameras were being placed, people walking all around as if it wasn’t the middle of the night and freezing. 

He knew it was cheesy, but the set lit up when she walked in. People greeted her all around, dozens of people and she stopped for each one of them, asking for their families and how was the hotel they were staying at. And the fact that he got to walk hand in hand with her, carefully carrying one of her bags, he was on cloud nine. 

But it got better. 

A British accent called (Y/N)’s name as they were approaching the luxury trailers parked not so far away from the set installed on the Italian streets. Of course Esteban recognized the accent, holding his girlfriend’s hand a little tighter. 

“Tom, this is Esteban, the guy you’ve been hearing so much about.” She said with a playful roll of her eyes, earning a chuckle from the brit as he extended his hand. 

“Pleasure to meet you, mate. I saw you during the Austin circuit, it looked sick!”

“I’m a big fan of your work, you’re the best Spider-Man,” Esteban said and his girlfriend just started to realize that maybe it wasn’t a play, he really was a huge fan. “And you’re always welcome on the paddock, just let me know.” Esteban said and Tom thanked him before being called to his trailer, telling the couple that they should go with the rest of the cast and other friends to have dinner.

“So… You’ve been talking a lot about me?” Esteban asked (Y/N), playfully raising his eyebrows and leaving a kiss on her hair. 

ACTION!

Esteban eyes followed as Peter Parker walked around the wrecked set, everything was wet and upside down, and he was in awe as he noticed (Y/N) making her way into the scene, questioning her friend if he was fine. 

Even if he couldn’t fully comprehend the dialogues or what was happening, his eyes were fixated on her, as she gave his co-star the same caring and sweet eyes that she gave him in real life, and he felt like the luckiest man on earth. 

The day was so great that they ignored the few tabloids that picked up the Instagram post of the Holland siblings, the happy couple, and other members of the cast when they went to dinner to a nice small restaurant. 

“Are Spider-Man star and F1’s star Esteban Ocon dating? We have the details from inside sources!”

 iii) When they gave us our trophies, and we held them up for our town.

Hungaroring, 2021

Every reporter went crazy when they saw (Y/N) driving a Land Rover with Esteban Ocon as her co-pilot, smiles on their faces as they pretended to ignore the hundreds of flashes capturing their faces through the tinted windows. 

They’d been dating for almost two years, but still hadn’t confirmed anything. Of course people knew; everyone involved in F1 and Marvel knew they were official since 2019, and of course their fans were aware they were together after seeing pictures of them together all the time, but no one has managed to capture even the slightest form of PDA between them, which made people still think they were friends… Very close friends. 

But there was something about this weekend that made them act more carefree, holding hands when they got out of the car, not caring if paparazzi got low-quality, grainy photos of the showing the tiniest bit of affection. 

The actress pecked his lips before he went to his driver’s room to get ready, engineers rapidly approaching him to talk a few things over. 

Time flew by and soon she was giving him one last hug and good luck kiss before he got in the car. 

“You know, this is pretty dangerous…” Esteban dramatically said, earning a grin from his girlfriend. 

“Estie, no.”

“But… I’m your boyfriend. You can trust me!” 

“It’s a secret, only a couple more months to go and you’ll watch it. Trust me, you’ll enjoy it more not knowing what’s gonna happen… Plus, I know you’re going to tell Lance whatever I tell you.”

“Is the multiverse theory true?” She was tempted to tell him something, but she always chose against it, having signed too many NDAs.

Just as she was going to answer, Esteban was called to get in the car before the race. 

“I love you, Este. Drive safely, okay?” (Y/N) got on her tiptoes and kissed him softly, like it was just the two of them. 

“Je t’aime beaucoup, bebé.” 

She became accustomed to the roaring of motors, the smell of gasoline and the rush of a pit stop, but that didn’t mean the worried butterflies on her stomach calmed down, she still bit her nails while listening to his radio and watching him overtake his rivals. His parents were the same, eyes not moving from the screen.

But today, it was a different kind of anxiety. She was on the edge of her seat, the fresh coat of nail polish chipped as everyone in the garage started realizing that they were going to win. The first for the team and for Esteban. 

She couldn’t stay seated during the last four laps, completely aware that F1 cameras were paying more attention to the Alpine garage, wanting to get the best reactions, and obviously she was there, but she couldn’t care less. 

It became real during the last lap, mechanics and engineers running to greet their driver on their maiden win.

Esteban parked the car and got out, jumping right into the awaiting arms of everyone involved, his face was one of pure disbelief, his eyes glassy with unshed tears and shaky hands.

She was holding your phone as his mom and dad went to hug him and congratulate him, wanting to immortalize the moment after so many years and sacrifices. Of course she loved his parents, but she wanted the moment to be over to hug him and congratulate him.

And that’s what happened when he noticed her. He noticed that he didn’t really know how to approach her, knowing cameras were filming their every movement and being broadcasted.

That’s why she took the matters in her own hands. Her hand went to cup his face, his arms found their home on her waist as he lifted her and kissed her. It wasn’t a pretty kiss, they were trying to pour every feeling, knowing words wouldn’t do it justice.

“Babe, I’m so proud of you, congratulations. Shit, I don’t even know what to say!” They laughed and went for another short kiss, people around them cheering. 

“You know what a great prize would be?” He asked her, gently placing her back on the ground. 

“Not a chance, Estie.”

(YNLN) just posted.

(YNLN): GP winner/king of my heart/love of my life @estebanocon

iv) Long live the walls we crashed through, how the kingdom lights shined just for me and you. 

Sadly, Esteban wasn’t afraid to admit he pleaded his girlfriend to show him the new Spider-Man script. He tried to bribe her with silly gifts, gave her the silent treatment. His last resort was to call her out during race weekends. 

“Esteban, we are living the last races of the 2021 season and you seem alone, did you girlfriend leave you for Peter Parker yet?” The interviewer asked him laughing, making Esteban smile. 

“Yes, she is in the middle of her press tour for the latest movie.”

“I don’t remember many movies creating this level of hype and mystery, do you have any inside details?”

“Don’t even get me started,” Esteban answered, his accent getting thicker. “I don’t know anything, she has kept everything a secret. I’ve pleaded, I even spoke with her co-stars and they told me (Y/N) warned them to not tell me anything! Not even after I offered full-access paddock passes!” Esteban was  shooting his last shot to get any information, even if it meant exposing his girlfriend. 

“Interesting, Marvel is that good keeping secrets, huh? We hope to see you on the red carpet. Good luck on the race! Esteban Ocon, everybody!” 

“You are shameless!” That was the first thing Esteban heard after he picked up the FaceTime call from his girlfriend. 

“Oh, you saw it?” He asked her nonchalantly, like it wasn’t a big deal. 

“You just have to hang on a couple of weeks and you’ll see it. Babe, I have to be back with the interviews soon, but I was told you can bring a plus one to the premier.”

“Am I not your plus one?” Esteban asked confused. 

“Nah, people like you too much now. We can walk the red carpet together, though!”

Esteban smiled at the sight of her perfectly dressed girlfriend. “No, it’s your moment, wouldn’t want to steal it with my perfect height and handsome looks.” He joked, earning a loud laugh from her, his favorite sound. 

She was right, time flew by. Now Esteban was admiring as people worked on her dress and makeup. Someone was fixing his hair for one last time before they left the fancy hotel room. 

Paparazzi were already lining up outside the hotel, waiting for them. They smiled before the valet got the car. She gave him a weird look, seeing a sports car, very similar to his Alpine car, with no one inside. 

“You didn’t think I was going to let someone else drive you, right?” He offered his arm and opened the door for her, helping her with the dress and leaving a kiss on her hand before walking towards the pilot seat. 

She couldn’t stop smiling, resting her hand on Esteban’s thigh during the short ride as he expertly drove, eyes not leaving the road to interlace their fingers. 

“Chérie… You have one last chance.”

“Esteban!” She stared at him in disbelief. 

“Can’t blame a fan for trying.”

Esteban would never tell her, but it was completely worth it in the end. His eyes couldn’t leave the screen for a second, too enthralled by the story being played in front of him, not even noticing the nervous eyes of his girlfriend, she wanted him to enjoy it because, as she found out during the time loving him, he was not exaggerating how much of a fan he was.

She noticed how he didn’t even try to hide the tears and the gasps during the movie, he probably didn’t notice how his grip on her hand got tighter every time a twist happened. Tears were falling freely as he watched his girlfriend on screen, playing what he thought was the saddest scene on modern cinema. 

He was the first one on his feet to start the stand-up ovation in the movie theatre. He didn’t care about anything when the lights were turned on, his only worry being softly kissing her lips while people around them were still cheering. 

“Shit, I still can’t believe he pulled it off…” 

That was Lance, shaking his head and taking a picture with his iPhone to show it at their wedding, knowing that Esteban and (YN) were endgame, even if he made fun of Esteban.

[tweedlebugged]

Yes, yes, James Somerton’s videos are down, the evil is defeated, etc etc. But honestly I’m just mad that I’ll never be able to back up my theory that the origin story of his whole bizarre “Sexy Nazis invented fitness culture” thing was just him ripping off the podcast Maintenance Phase. Badly.

(Almost like he built a career off stealing from other queer creators and not checking his sources or something idk)

If you haven’t had a chance to listen yet, Maintenance Phase is an extensively researched podcast from two queer writers (this may sound familiar) Michael Hobbes and Aubrey Gordon, dedicated to debunking myths about health and wellness. The very FIRST episode contains the facts:

1) The Nazis were very concerned about fitness due to fascism-based views of the body, and engaged in group exercise similar to modern calisthenics classes.

2) This kind of group fitness was closely associated with the Nazis in the consciousness of Americans, partially because of Nazi propaganda films portraying it.

3) Americans were less measurably fit than Europeans because they didn’t do the same kind of group exercises, and this was attributed to American softness.

Hypothetically: If you are a lazy asshole who built a career stealing from more talented creators and recounting a funhouse version of history based on half-remembered facts you don’t bother to verify, you very well might have only absorbed those facts initially and come to the weird hot Nazi conclusion (if you’re into that I guess?)

Or MAYBE you do kind of remember (hypothetically!) the actual sequence of described in the episode - that because Nazis were associated with group fitness activities due to propaganda films etc, American physical education turned really quickly from similar styles of group fitness to less regimented exercise activities like sports. This shift meant American children performed more poorly on standardized physical fitness measurements than European children, which was blamed on American softness/decadence.

But this doesn’t support your pre-existing (hot Nazi???) biases, so you cherry pick only the facts that you can distort into a conclusion that DOES. (This may also sound familiar.) Hypothetically!!!

For bonus points! I’m pretty sure the connection between poverty, nutrient poor and carb rich diets, and fatness is also something they’ve discussed in other episodes, but unrelated to the depression or hot Nazis or less hot Soviets (taken with a grain of salt because I am tragically also kind of a lazy asshole just going off half-remembered vibes on this one)

TL;DR: If you heard the bit where James Somerton claimed that sexy Nazis inspired Americans to create modern fitness culture and thought “that doesn’t sound right but I don’t know enough about fitness and the Nazis to dispute it” you should check out Maintenance Phase because I’m pretty sure it’s both uncited source and debunking rolled into one.

[major-comet]

The Music in RvB: Restoration Kinda Sucks. Here's how I'd fix it.

I gave this as a presentation the other night after my first re-watch of the finale, and it was a major hit so I thought I would share it with other people who think too hard about Halo fanfiction.

Red VS Blue has some truly fantastic music in it's 21 year history, and I think that the music here was pretty weak. Obviously this post has major spoilers for RvB19 / Restoration, so be warned.

So, under the Read More is a typed up and fleshed out version of my powerpoint presentation where I will dive in and not just bitch about the musical choices, but explain how I would fix things. This is...really long, but I hope you all enjoy my thoughts :)

This will be best enjoyed if you listen to the songs I'm talking about as a refresher. For your convenience, I have input links to the songs on Youtube when necessary

So what's the problem?

Since the development of the finale overlapped with Rooster Teeth getting shut down, it's very likely that they had minimal funds. (EDIT: Yes, the finale itself was done by the time the announcement rolled around. However, the decision was almost certainly already in the works at WB. RT was shut down in part for financial reasons. It’s all connected.) I personally think this was part of why Burnie/RT was/were [reportedly] so insistent on using stock music for part of the season rather than a whole soundtrack done by Trocadero - I'm not sure they had the money to properly compensate for a full soundtrack. And maybe it was just a stupid / dick move, and had nothing to do with money at all, but that's what I choose to believe if only because it makes me feel slightly better about it.

This means that besides the stock music, the new score by Carl Thiel, the Zero song for that cameo, and Waning Moon (the Barenaked Ladies song), all we have are four re-used songs from earlier RvB - these songs being the Trocadero Grifball theme, I Say Ooh and Round One by Jeff Williams, and Vale Deah by Trocadero. There's also a David Levy composition in there somewhere according to the credits, R U Ready, but I have no idea what it is or where it plays. It's bothering the hell out of me because it does not appear to be a reused piece as far as I can tell - at least not reused from RvB. If anyone has any leads on this please reach out, because it seems crazy that there's one random possibly original David composition mixed in there. I've checked Apple Music and Soundcloud, nothing by that name.

In this very Meta focused film, neither of The Meta's themes play in any shape or form - [When] Your Middle Name is Danger by Trocadero or Plagam Extremam Infligere by Jeff Williams.

Nor do any of the character themes, really. Most of the series' iconic recurring tracks are completely absent. Tex's various themes, Carolina's theme - hell not even Blood Gulch Blues or the iconic intro music.

Were there any highlights?

Of course there were!

Considering I was going into the finale having only been spoiled on Vale Deah, I was pleasantly surprised to hear the Jeff tracks! That was totally unexpected, and really lovely.

Speaking of, I thought the use of Vale Deah was a really lovely touch. Fun fact: that song was used for the end credits of the Season 1 DVD, so it really felt like a sweet full circle moment.

I think that using a Barenaked Ladies song for that very sweet scene of Caboose, Grif, and Simmons reminiscing about Blood Gulch by the fire was a very lovely choice, and quite honestly it was my favorite scene in the whole thing. The BNL have been close to RvB and RT since damn near the beginning, and it was very nice to hear them attached to the finale in that small way.

I should also point out that the composer for the season is Carl Thiel - known for his work on Hot Fuzz and the second and third Spy Kids movies. I think he did a totally fine job. I liked the bugles that were under Sarge's death, but the rest doesn't really stand out much. Perfectly serviceable.

So, now that that's out of the way, let's break down those four returning songs a bit more - shall we?

Grifball Official Theme - Trocadero

This was a really funny choice. It's such a quick bit, but I respect Burnie's dedication to get in one last Grifball joke. Obviously, I would have preferred to hear a different song for something else, but this was totally harmless.

Vale Deah - Trocadero

Lo-fi Hip-hop beats to get divorced to.

God that scene was heartbreaking. I love this song a lot - I think a lot of Trocadero's strongest stuff is the stuff that just feels kind of melancholy. It's something Nico does really well, and I think Vale Deah is one of my favorite examples of that. Like I said above, I think this song was used really well - if I had to pick a different track for that same scene I would probably choose Half Life. While it was written during the Blood Gulch era, it wasn't really used in the show until Seasons 12 and 13 - notably, a version of it plays under Kimball's rally speech to the troops after Doyle's death. I just really like it, tbh. There's absolutely other songs that could work, but I think having it be a BGC-era track served the scene really well.

I Say Ooh - Jeff Williams

My feelings about this are pretty similar to Grifball. It was cute, it was nice to hear, but I wish they had used a different Jeff track somewhere else. Ultimately, it's pretty harmless. It is kind of an odd choice though - I'm pretty sure Jeff didn't write it for RvB. This was a song that he composed that was used in two RT Shorts (live action sketches that RT used to do). I think it would have been nicer to use one of his RvB tracks for the introduction of Niner - could have been a cute spot to use a track like I Am The Best or Forge World or hell, Come on Carolina would have been cute.

Round One - Jeff Williams

...Actually, I have a lot to say about Round One, so let's get everything else out of the way first.

Other Scenes that *should* have had returning tracks before I talk about Round One for a billion years

Sarge's death should have been scored with a version of Rally (Sarge's Speech). My vision is a version of it that's just the string section - familiar, but not enough to be distracting, and absolutely soul crushing if you do recognize it.

The scene with Wash and Dr. Grey in the hospital needed a hint of what Nico so lovingly calls the "Wash Trauma Theme" - which is closely related to the Trocadero Meta theme, fun fact. I think Limited Duty from the scene in Season 16 where Carolina tells Wash about the brain damage could have worked pretty well there.

The scene at the end with Wash and Carolina talking about Doc and the Freelancers really needed something. I think one of the variations of the Shisno trilogy Carwash theme could have worked very well.

Obviously the big scene with Tucker and Sigma on the ship would have really benefited from [When] Your Middle Name is Danger or one of the many themes that incorporates it, but I'd also throw Soul Clef XI into the ring! I think it's so interesting that the work around they came up with for not being able to get Elijah Wood back was to have epsilon!Sigma take on a more Felix-y type of voice. Partly because Felix was an incredibly ambitious villain so he fits it pretty well, but more importantly that was a very smart voice to pick to fuck with Tucker in particular! I think that was really smart, and I think having some version of Felix's theme playing during that scene would have been really cool.

Bolt by Trocadero was never used in the series proper. However it was used in this ten year retrospective that they released alongside Season 10. I highly recommend giving it a watch, because watching it now that it's Over - RvB, RT, all of it - it's honestly kind of heart breaking. They're all filled with this deep optimism about the future of the company, and hindsight is a bitch on this one. They use it in a really sweet sequence at the end where they're showing a bunch of old photos. Anyways I think this should have played in the credits after Vale Deah finished. "We only want to have a good time."

Miscellaneous Trocadero Songs I would have liked to see them find a place for that I haven't already / will not mention elsewhere

Steady Ride (Gunmetal Green) - this is THE Grimmons song ever to me. I love it so much. Also fun fact: as of the interview Burnie did with Nico on the season 10 (I think?) dvd/bluray, this was Burnie's favorite Trocadero track. And you can tell when you watch the DVD cuts of the first 6-ish seasons - it plays all the time.

I like Good Fight a lot, not sure there was a great spot for it? but still would have been nice - It's used a few times as a Wash theme, I believe.

No One is my favorite Trocadero song and I wish it could've been there Somewhere. It was the elevator-music type song that played behind Vic in BG once or twice, I think was in the season 4 credits, and also played during the weapons demonstrations in the Meta VS Carolina Death Battle. I just like it a lot, lol.

Okay let's get back to Round One.

Why they shouldn't have used Round One for the big fight in RvB Restoration

AKA: The actual bulk of the presentation

Okay so we've got some pros and cons to this track. Starting with the Pros;

It's a song from an iconic scene - the 3v1 training room fight from Season 9

Tex and Maine are both in the fight

Was a great "Oh FUCK yeah" moment for the fans

Great track

Cons;

Not really a song for Carolina or the Meta (or y'know. Tucker. He's there too), and only kind of a song for Tex

Honestly the fight makes me think about York more than anyone else, since that's the fight where he gets hurt

Not a cool thematic moment besides just Tex being a badass

Started too late into the fight - it's sad that Carolina got a cool track when she (finally!) showed up, but Tex just got generic music. Show my girl some respect :(

So what would be better?

It has to be something that makes you think of at least one of the fighters. A track that's good for multiple would be better, but not required.

I think it should start when Tex first shows up, not when her armor changes. that’s a cool moment, but it still means most of the fight is working with Thiel’s score.

It should be something with a note of thematic relevance - for example, the big moment right at the end of the fight is Tex reminding epsilon!Sigma that she's not based on the Director's memories of her failure this time; she's based on the memories of Grif, Caboose, and Simmons. And she Always kicked their asses.

Still needs to be a big "Oh FUCK yeah" moment.

While incorporating Carolina's theme would be nice, I think it's more important to get at least one of the others - but we'll do our best here. I think this is moreso a Tex v meta!Tucker fight in my heart than it is a Carolina fight.

So let's look over a few options, shall we? These are in no particular order.

Spiral - Jeff Williams

This is the song that plays during the Season 9 car chase when Maine gets shot. It incorporates Carolina's theme, because in PFL her theme is never too far behind whenever a Maine/Meta song is playing, which has always been interesting to me. It has all that freaky choral stuff that Jeff loved to use, and generally is just a great track.

Fragments - Jeff Williams

This plays during the Freelancer break-in in Season 10, and it just rocks so hard. Anything from the break-in would be cool because that was the last time Tex, Carolina, and Maine/The Meta were all in the same place, and of course was when The Meta was properly created. I think it was so sad that they used the instrumental of Round One, because the vocals are part of what makes the Jeff era of RvB soundtracks so iconic, and god this song delivers! Also this song has a kickass trumpet solo at the end.

Slingshot (from the Death Battle) - Trocadero

Man this song rules. This of course plays in the Meta VS Carolina Death Battle from Season 14. It's a very different energy from the Jeff picks, but it rocks so fucking much. This is a fight between Carolina and The Meta, and would of course be a callback to a (marginally) more recent - and extremely popular - episode of the show. If you haven't watched the Death Battle in a while you really should, it still kicks just as much ass now as it did back when I was in high school.

Literally any other song from the 3v1 Training Room Fight - Jeff Williams

This includes;

Round One (feat Lamar Hall)

Just the Bullfight part

On Your Knees

I just think the instrumental to Round One is the weakest choice from this fight tbh! Bullfight is my favorite out of the three, because it sounds the most Tex-y. The guitars are very her, and it incorporates part of her Agent Tex motif. And On Your Knees would have had the biggest "Oh FUCK yeah" factor. But honestly even just using the version of Round One with the vocals would have been way better.

EDIT TO ADD: a quick note - while it’s listed in the credits as Round One/Bullfight, that’s just how the instrumental is packaged on the OST. As far as I could tell in my two watches of it, they never actually make it to the Bullfight part of the track.

A Girl Named Tex - Trocadero

hold on, walk with me on this one.

I had a vision of Tex fighting meta!Tucker set to the "Yellow rose of Texas clad in black, lonely star tattooed upon her back. Double Tex she'll hit you like a truck. Double Tex and she'll mess you up." bit right after I watched 19 the first time and it's been haunting me ever since. (That bit starts at about 02:19)

This is her theme for the first chunk of the show - which just so happens to be the time period Grif, Simmons, and Caboose were primarily reminiscing about. It would have been cool as hell, and I can See the beginning of the fight in my head - the opening strums (what my brother so lovingly calls the Out of Mind music) when caboose is saying his line about how he brought back someone even worse than church, and then the fight starts! I can see it in my mind, it would have been so cool!

I just think there should have been more Blood Gulch era music in here.

100 Tex Battle - Jeff Williams

This doesn't get you any Meta points, but obviously it incorporates little bits of Tex's, and a lot of Carolina's theme. Twisting a Tex vs Carolina fight - obviously, Carolina vs all the Tex bots in Season 10 - into one where they're fighting alongside each other would have been really lovely and a cool full circle moment.

This song is really cool, it's such a good fight. I do think it maybe sounds a bit goofy at points for this fight, but still a cool option.

Okay so now let's go over my top three-ish picks

Ice Fight (or maybe the revelations suite?) - Jeff Williams

Jumping to the end of Season 8, we have a fight that involves Tex vs The Meta! And Wash, Doc, and all the Reds and Blues (barring Donut and Lopez. Hmm. Doesn't that sound familiar.) are there! Ice Fight rules so hard, it's so good.

And it has some of that narrative theming I was looking for! While yes, Tex does technically lose this fight - so does The Meta. And how does she lose it?

By going into the recovery unit.

The main reason I suggest the Suite instead of just Ice Fight is because I think having a touch of Red Vs Blue would have been really nice.

Mental Meta Metal - Jeff Williams

Genuinely my favorite track from season 10. If you let the song play the whole way through, it has Jeff's themes for The Meta, Carolina, and Tex in it. This plays the first time we see Maine in a fight in Season 10, and is also Sigma's first time in the field after we see him pondering Meta-stability in the classroom.

It incorporates elements from both Spiral and Plagam Extremam Infligere, which is kind of Jeff's theme for the Meta that he established back in Season 8. It also plays during the Freelancer Break-in when he's tossing Carolina off the cliff. The Latin on that translates to “to inflict an extreme blow”.

It also has a very strong statement of Carolina's theme, which could have been a great opportunity to bring her in with her theme!

Now, before I go over my final pick, let's go over what we need again;

We need a song with thematic relevance to the fight, that’s from an iconic scene, has a good energy to it, and would give fans a big “OH FUCK YEAH” moment.

Well, isn’t it obvious?

Agent Tex (/ Tex vs Tank / Hell's Angel) - Jeff Williams

The first instance of Jeff Williams’ Tex motif, later used in Hell’s Angel and Tex vs Tank, etc. I would add the opening strum commonly heard in the later iterations, but keep it generally the Agent Tex version which was used in the S8 Warehouse fight, as seen above.

This is like. The RvB scene ever. So many people saw this before they watched the show, and many more never even watched RvB - just this fight, since RT uploaded it separately from the episode because they knew it kicked so much ass. It also helped draw in folks who may have been fans of Monty Oum's other work. Fun fact: This was RT’s outro music for a really long time, too. So it really has history with the company.

Part of why I think this pick would work so well, beyond it just being Tex's theme for the Jeff Williams era, is that it would be so interesting in terms of narrative theming. The Season 8 warehouse fight was Tucker, Grif, Simmons, Sarge, and Caboose against Tex.

This whole sequence was Grif, Simmons, Caboose, Carolina, and Tex against Tucker.

This was one of the other scenes being reminisced about around the fire - you can see it as one of the clips shown during the scene. I think it would have been a really powerful moment, and a fantastic "FUCK YEAH" moment for everyone whose stuck around this long. This track is so good, and I really do think it would have been the perfect choice for this fight.

It's not even my favorite, if I was just choosing favorites I'd have picked Mental Meta Metal or A Girl Named Tex.

What have we learned? Why Were We Here?

Red vs Blue is a show with a lot of really fantastic music in it's book, and a really strong history of musical callbacks - particularly with the Meta's theme and how it's so closely tied to the motif Trocadero liked to use as "Wash Trauma" music. Making a clever callback to a song you've used before can help strengthen the thing you're trying to get across to your audience. I think it's somehing that Restoration really struggles with, which is pretty sad. But I hope you found my deep dive / analysis of what could have been interesting.

I'd really like to dive in and do a long reflection about the series as a whole, but as it stands this is around 3,000 words and if I get started on that, this post will never end. I'll probably work on that once i've actually Finished this rewatch.

Thank you for reading all of that!

[coulsons-fullmetal-cellist]

A Dieter Thing Happened on the Way to the Colosseum

(Dieter x horror loving female)

Words: 1, 347

Summary: thanks to a certain trailer, you have some inspiration to bring back to Dieter

Warnings: saucy suggestions, mild swearing, Ancient Roman history, talk of roleplay, Dieter being Dieter in a Roman costume

Check out masterlist here

Arms wrapped around you as soon as you got out of the car. Very soft inviting arms.

“Hi Dieter.”

“Hello, my beautiful almost wife. In less than three months I can say hello to my beautiful wife.”

He did this every time, and it was still adorable.

“I have stuff to get out of the car,” he wasn’t letting go quite yet. “I picked up your wedding suit.”

That got him excited. He grabbed everything that was in the trunk of your car and skipped inside.

You couldn’t help but smile; you never knew anyone as excited as your fiancé for your upcoming wedding. He took delight in picking out his wedding suit. Dieter decided on a navy-blue suit with an inlay of dusty pink imprinted with roses.

“Uh, honey cakes, this isn’t my suit,” he walked out holding up something that wasn’t his wedding suit. It was a costume an actor playing a Roman general would wear in an epic historical film. You just stood there dumbfounded.

“This isn’t for the wedding, is it?” You shook your head. “Wait, is this a roleplay thing?”

You managed to squeak out a maybe.

Dieter stared at you in amazed confusion. “You’ve never expressed any interest in Ancient Rome before. My horror film knowledge is very limited but I’m pretty sure there isn’t one.”

“There should be one. It would be amazing, like Prey.”

“Alright, what’s happened?”

“It was the trailer.”

“What trailer?”

“Trailer for Gladiator 2.”

“They made a sequel to that?”

You nodded, “I wasn’t that interested, but it was all anyone talked about at work, so I watched it and…”

“And…?”

“It was hot.”

“Come on, no trailer could be that hot.”

Cue one slightly historically inaccurate teaser trailer later…

“Okay, that was pretty hot.”

“I told you.”

“Hang on,” he gave you that classic cheeky look. “You just want me to show off my knees.”

“Well, you have nice knees. They’re much cuter than mine.”

“I love your knees. Especially when I have them over my shoulders,” he grabbed said knees and draped them over his legs which caused you to slump against his chest.

He nuzzled close, “So, what did you have in mind for roleplay?”

“I have no idea. I don’t remember much from high school history.”

“Well, we only need to know the basics. Obviously, I’ll be a Roman general and you can be my Roman wife.”

“So far, so good.”

“I could be coming back from a battle and then you could help me wash off in our pretend Roman bath.”

“I’d love to have a bath,” you already imagined soaking in the hot water.

“You can help wash off the dirt from my battle.”

“Then we’d have slow-motion sex like in that Zack Snyder film?” you were trying to decide which bath salts you’d like in your bath.

“Almost, but the Battle of Thermopylae was in 480 BC and the Colosseum wasn’t built until around 80 AD.”

“You’re such a nerd.”

“I know.”

You couldn’t help but kiss his nose, “It’s very sexy.”

“So should I role around in some dirt?”

“Don’t you have some fake dirt?”

“It won’t wash off that easily.”

“I can pretend I had a pre-wash before soaking in our Ancient Roman bath.”

“Oh, speaking of Rome; pizza.”

“Pizza?”

“Please tell me they had pizza in Ancient Rome.”

“They weren’t as fancy as today’s pizza but yes they did.”

“I really want some pizza.”

“And would that be before or after the roleplay?”

You made a noise like you were starting to get a headache, “I don’t know, my brain don’t work. I’ve been problem solving all day and now it’s just,” you then made a noise like a splat.

“Oh, you’re poor brain.”

“I’m sorry I’m not being helpful here.”

He kissed that spot between your eyebrows which calmed your mind. “Just tell me what it is you’d like to do.”

“All I want is to soak in the bath, have pizza and you in sexy Roman outfit.”

“And that’s all you want?”

You nodded, snuggling further into his softness.

You must have dozed off because the next thing you knew, Dieter was gently waking you up.

“Hey,” he spoke softly. “Pizza is going to be here in five minutes.”

Rubbing the sleep out of your eyes, you stretched as you asked, “You ordered pizza?”

“Yup, you should run yourself a hot bath.” Before you could question him, he kissed your cheek. “You deserve a hot bath.”

“I do,” and you wandered off to the bathroom.

The hot water was the perfect thing for a long day. You closed your eyes and took a long breath of the rose scented bath salts.

“Thy pizza, my lady.”

You opened your eyes: before you was Dieter dressed as a Roman general kneeling down with a box of pizza.

“This is what you wanted wasn’t it?” he seemed uncertain.

“Me in a hot bath with you in a sexy Roman outfit and pizza?” you let out an adoring whimper. “It’s everything I wanted!”

“I’m glad,” he opened the box. “I should start wearing skirts, show off my knees.”

“It does suit you.” He took some time to admire his figure in his costume.

“Dieter, I love you and I cannot wait to be married but…”

“But pizza?”

“Pizza!”

He took out a slice and held it out to you. You took as big a bite as you could manage without burning your mouth but with pizza it was always going to happen. Thankfully, your experience with cheese helped prevent such burns.

“Fuck, hot,” Dieter not so much. Once he recovered from pizza cheese burns, he took a stool and sat down. You noticed he was rather lacking in a certain something.

“Dieter, are you not wearing underwear?”

“Well I can’t go wearing a loincloth can I?” he waggled his eyebrows and took another bite of pizza. “So you think I should I be in a horror film set in Ancient Rome?”

“You know I’d watch it.”

“Something like a Roman troop come across some ancient aliens? Please those so-called historians?”

You hummed in thought after another bite of pizza, “I think something like vampires or werewolves would work better.”

“Werewolves could work. There’s the myth that Rome was founded by Romulus and Remus, and they were raised by a wolf so, I don’t know, there could be some cult or something that turns out to be werewolves.”

“Please, someone write that film so you can be in it.”

“And you can do the werewolf makeup.”

“I’d love to do an Ancient Roman werewolf!” you shifted your legs seductively in the bath. “So, are you going to join me?”

“I’d love to but I’m keeping this on for a while.”

“Oh?”

“For starters, I look good in it. Secondly, it was a bit fiddly to get on. Got some weird looks from the pizza guy.”

“I can help you take it off.” The rose scent was getting to you.

“You will eventually. But just think of me as a Roman general, just back from battle missing his beautiful Roman wife. He’s not going to waste time taking off his armour before making passionate love.”

“Can you move in that?”

“I can move the important parts.”

“I like those important parts,” you had enough of pizza. You leaned out of the bath and Dieter offered you more pizza, but you took his face in your hands and kissed him deeply. He gladly leaned in.

“I can’t wait until we’re married,” said Dieter. “Then I can carry my actual wife to bed rather than my pretend Roman wife.”

“The pretend stuff is nice until then.”

“At least the sex is real.” He stood up and held out his hand. “Now, let’s get those sexy knees over my shoulders.”

“Your shoulders are so broad in that outfit.”

You stood up as if to step out of the bath, but your eager fiancé scooped you up in his arms.

“Dieter, I haven’t dried off.”

“Don’t worry, I put towels down on the bed.”

Lovingly tagging @boliv-jenta @simpingcowboy @ellenmunn @o-sacra-virgo-laudes-tibi @chaithetics @myloveistoolittle @cevans-is-classic @glshmbl @cupcakehp @gswizzsstuff @grogusmum @readingiskeepingmegoing @kirsteng42

[ordinarydoodles]

We don't talk about that

Maybe you'll be okay with it now People change, after all. Everyone changes. But I remember how I saw drag queens for the first time on some dumb daytime talk show And I remember thinking "That's weird but as long as they're happy" Until you sat down and calmly told me that they were not evil, but what they were doing was a sin Talking in your teacher voice I was confused, but I nodded anyways Wasn't a sin supposed to hurt someone? I remember how you watched the Oscars in a furious rage the year Brokeback Mountain came out Curled stone-stiff like a gargoyle at the edge of the couch, And how you sat back with a satisfied huff and said "Good, that's the way it should be" when it didn't win Best Picture You don't even care about the Oscars It wasn't even a good movie, it was just boring and sad and no one got a happy ending But, like, it's not about sad films about men kissing, or sins that don't hurt anyone It's not about women in wigs It's not even about hate It's about the ones called the fathers going out and living lives and the ones called the mothers saying home and getting fucked It's about the boy cousins getting multitools and girl cousins getting bath sets It's about me cracking a joke in first grade and the teacher going "quiet!" And a boy two seats over cracking the exact same joke five minutes later and the teacher laughing It's about someone taking you and forcing you, step by excruciating step, to recognize dirt and clean it, anticipate hunger and feed it, see a grown-ass adult man and know that your five-year-old child self is responsible for his care and upkeep whining and fighting and complaining every step of the way (while the boy cousins play Nintendo) and then later they have the nerve to tell you that women are naturally caretakers. It's about how I'm still not exactly sure if the devil scooped out my brain and stuck a stranger behind my eyes, someone who would adorn themselves in long lashes and hunger pangs, if you would even notice It's about how, until I was 19, the only words I had to describe myself were "girl, but wrong" It's about this guy randomly telling me he had feelings for me and me not feeling anything at all towards him, not one thing, not love or curiosity or boredom or disinterest or pity not one thing and I said "okay" because I didn't know what else to say (turns out that was the wrong thing to say) It's about being body-checked out of the way when some guy lurches forward to pull open the door that I was just about to open and he holds it open like he's announcing the fucking pope and he's half blocking the doorway and then he kind of glares at me when I sort of awkwardly wriggle past him and don't make eye contact and don't say thank you I didn't ask to play a bit part in your street theater improv I definitely didn't ask to be typecast It's about how being a woman makes you less of a man And you can always be less of a man But you can never be less of a woman It's about a game that isn't fun and no one wins and everyone has to play it forever And no one is willing to admit it's a stupid game And the people who do, the people who realize that it can be fun, all the players who say it's not a game want to kill them Like actual death I don't know if I'll ever tell you I never talk to you anyways and I'm pretty sure that if we went to some gallery that was unexpectedly displaying Electric Fan (Feel It Motherfuckers) That even if I explained the story behind it, the deliberate disregard, the lovers torn apart and denied a final comfort, the history of all the people who were erased by their families, (the unspoken question of what you would erase-and-replace on my gravestone) you would still wonder why I was making a scene crying in front of a stupid box fan You're embarrassing yourself Thank goodness we don't have any of that in our family

[the-septic-maniac]

CATCF Haunted Factory AU

You had heard rumors about the old Wonka factory. Stories of the infamous tour that got it shut down. All of them are seemingly supernatural. Some even note that it seems like the factory is still active. “That should be impossible,” you thought. It should be. After all the parents that left there with their children missing and nowhere in sight, came out in tears according to reports. They all sued Wonka into the ground for what had happened. Rescue parties came and went but no sign of the kids. Years went by and now the factory is supposedly empty. But you and a crew have decided to go into the factory to make a film of sorts.

As soon as you entered the building, you already got major creeps. Why was this place so large? The smell of rotten ingredients wafted up into the noses of your crew as you progressed further into the factory. You could feel the heat rising around you as you started to see the state of the factory. Even just in a hallway, you could feel the immense despair that happened within these walls. Strange hieroglyphics were etched into the rusted walls. One of your friends, stared at the wall, their eyes wide and their mouth agape. “Here I was thinking Mr.Teavee was making the story of those workers up… If that's true… that means…” They pulled out a notebook full of different alphabets, and notes from history and archeology classes. They mumbled to themself, attempting to translate the symbols until you called out to them and they caught up.

As they continue onwards, the surrounding atmosphere gets claustrophobic before they reach a beat-up, rusty door. Above it is faintly written “The Chocolate Room”. As the door creaks open, a blast of heat, not unlike opening an oven, hits you and your crew.

One of your friends seemed deathly scared and was trying to turn back. But they came back, blood drained from their face as if they had seen a ghost. You try to get them to snap out of it and get them to report what they had seen. They stutter out the answer. The way you had come in had been blocked off… You were locked in. But they mentioned something odd. They said that they had seen a random stoat-like creature disappear into a wall after they checked the way they came in. But… the stoat didn't just disappear. It glitched out of existence.

Entering the supposed chocolate room, you see a vast desert. Dried up grass, cracked soil deprived of proper nutrients, fine sand, and dying trees as far as you could see. Remnants of a glorious wonderland laid before them. In the center of the room was a huge clear pipe. Surrounding it was an oasis. Walking in the lessons of your teachers of this place echoed in your mind. They said that everything in this room was edible but by the state of this place, you highly doubted that was the case now. Stinches of rotten milk and powdered cocoa swiftly made their way into your nose. As you progressed further into the room it started to rain of sorts. You were inside though how could it be raining? Maybe something set the sprinklers off? Just then, you heard a scream as one of your friends had fallen into a sludgy puddle almost like quicksand. You run over along with your other friends to help pull them out. As you did, you feel the ground shaking and heard loud grunting that was getting closer. “W-what is that?!?”

(some edits might come along with this as I'm still figuring some stuff out so be patient. Any feedback, advice and praise is appreciated)

Next chapter

[alatismeni-theitsa]

https://www.tumblr.com/alatismeni-theitsa/750276116941586432/httpsxcomcorenlavolpestatus17879717550276120

Hello! About this subject, I wondered if you thought that having poc representation is inherently incompatible with the desire to create fiction surrounding Greek mythology? Would it be impossible for the game Hades to includes different skin tones without being disrespectful of Greek’s culture, in your opinion? This subject if pretty though, because well, the people making the game are from an independent studio and included people of color in the game because they wanted more people to feel represented (since some of them are poc and didn’t get to have representation growing up). But if it’s wasn’t compatible with the culture and Greek mythology, then maybe the game wouldn’t have been made in the first place, or not in the same way…

I want to hear more Greek people’s opinion on the matter, if it doesn’t bother you :)

Hello, thank you for the ask! The answer might be a bit long but... you know me :p

For more explanations on proper representation check here.

I feel like the wording makes the situation look a little bit like an issue of "Greeks VS People of Color", when in reality the situation is "White American (WASP, specifically) ideals VS Everyone Else". In the West Greeks are still the "ethnics" so it would be a mistake to equate the Greek heritage with the ever-present, influential WASP culture of the US.

I mention this because it's the job your country's media to offer representation to minorities, not the job of any foreign gods and heroes. Greek culture is not The System, it doesn't represent the US culture. Ergo, to put it crudely, it's not the Greek culture's problem that the US media companies and the audience are biased against PoC.

The Greek culture and history are what they are and, truth is, non-Mediterranean looks are not frequent in ancient Greek stories and societies. The US should adapt accordingly. The US is a superpower driven by the consumerism of its residents. Find a way to center PoC that will not ignore or erase parts of other cultures.

(And find the courage to treat Greek culture as the foreign culture that it is and not Americanize it as much as possible. And cast a few Greek peeps every now and then, I promise, the universe won't collapse.)

There are plenty of other opportunities for minorities to get jobs and roles in literally any other type of media outside of the Greek-myth-related ones. The country itself should be offering the chance for minorities to see themselves in its media. The customers and the culture of this country should learn to support any type of work centered around PoC.

Foreign cultural figures are, by virtue and all purposes, representatives of that specific foreign local population and their visions. Changing foreign gods and heroes, who you already treat like props, to mend your cultural issues is disrespectful. Example: Black people are underrepresented in Greek media but a Greek film about the Chinese pantheon isn't the appropriate place for their representation. In other countries where Black/Brown/East Asian people are the norm in the media, it still isn't right to alter their local gods and heroes so they look like minorities within those countries. As the quote goes, "There is no identity that exempts you from doing harm".

Showing different peoples only through Greek mythology media can be possible if the creators account for real demographics and depictions of established gods and heroes. In a mystery book based on Greek mythology, your New Yorker group of friends/main characters can be whatever you desire. In the same context, if a deity wants to transform into a 50-year-old gay Black Mexican New Yorker for a specific reason that's also fine. But to have a whole foreign pantheon and heroes looking different "just because" (which is the Hades approach) treads into "using the figures as props" territory. Greek mythology is not - and shouldn't be - the only thing the US people are interested in.

Sorry if my tone here is angry at times but Westerners think the biggest, basic problem in Western Greek mythology-related media is "our minorities do not get represented" instead of "We (including our minorities) have been entertained and profiting from the appropriation of a foreign culture, and it's been so bad that we don't know how the actual culture looks like, and we do not even offer roles to these people on films/books/plays about their culture. In fact, we barely give them any representation". Don't get me wrong, both are problems. But in this specific situation, people are missing the forest for the tree.

It depends on what you mean by "fiction surrounding Greek mythology". I wouldn't expect any fictional work with a touch of ancient Greek culture to follow historical accuracy in all other factors. If the Greek culture is not there, it doesn't need the same gods and heroes but if it does have the Greek ones specifically, the respectful thing is to not alter their basic features and symbols. Similarly, a Nigerian school can, ofc, present an ancient Greek play regardless of the students not resembling 99.99% of the ancient and modern Greek recorded demographics. All can engage and share the inspiration, as long as they respect the tons of research about our heritage and the pains people have gone through so we can have accurate information, which matters, today.

Inspiration is fine but if your story is set in ancient Greece and the historical, real ancient Thebes has the diversity of the Seattle population that screams "barely educated American", I'm sorry. Not everything should be a copy paste of your own experiences, especially when writing about foreign cultures. There are real places out there with their own demographics and respecting that is basic human decency. Not getting in the trouble to even look how the residents (very diverse or not) and the heroes and the gods of a foreign country look when you put them on screen, that's just bad.

In the case of Hades, where diversity was born intentionally by the creators, Hermes having East Asian characteristics is the most American thing ever because he is treated as a prop without a background, not as a character or a real god. Consider the most basic question. Why does Hermes specifically, before even the Bronze Age hits, wants to present this way? Is he a Greek god who… likes how East Asian people look and decided to look like this and not like the Mediterranean locals, because he sees East Asians as a… costume? Does he always look like this? Then why does his depictions don't look like this? Does he change into an East Asian for… fun..? Does he change races every day of the week for fun? Because… race doesn't matter…? Every possible answer sounds either illogical or racist.

I understand the creators' motives were noble but intentions do not excuse everything. As a Greek, seeing my local god not looking like the hundreds of his depictions I've seen in museums and in Greek media, am I not supposed to ask why this happened in the context of Greek culture?

I gave some examples of PoC representation above but each case is different. I'd advise Greek mythology-related media creators to seek Greeks and Greek sensitivity readers. I can recommend at least one Greek sensitivity-reader and I can help a little bit myself if the questions are simple.

[jedi-enthusiast]

Debunking the "The Jedi are Evil" Theory Made by The Film Theorists PT 6

Point 6 - The Jedi Left Shimi in Slavery

Continuing on, Matthew says this:

"In fact, the Jedi care so little about the relationship between parent and child, that in the Prequel trilogy Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan literally leave Anakin's mother on Tatooine to continue living in slavery in Episode 1. We're told that they take Anakin, but not his mother because they don't have the money to buy her freedom from Watto."

WRONG!

And, what's funny is, he plays the exact clip that shows this is wrong right after he makes this statement.

They didn't free her because Watto refused, likely because he didn't want to lose both his slaves in one day, but not because they didn't have enough money or wouldn't pay the price Watto set.

---

Matthew quote, continued:

"But then a decade goes by without him ever following up. At no point during the 10 year period did anyone bother to think- 'Hey, maybe we should, you know, go check on Anakin's mother to make sure she's alive or, I don't know, maybe go back to buy her freedom since we have the money to do it, and we've won the war, and her son happens to be the most powerful Force-user in history.'"

First of all, Qui-Gon fucking dies like the day after freeing Anakin--so he can't follow up--and Obi-Wan, for a nice chunk of time afterwards I'd say, is a little too busy dealing with the grief of losing his Master (or his "parent," since obviously Matthew thinks parental relationships are the only ones that matter), the mental turmoil of killing a Sith, and also the sheer whiplash of "holy shit I'm now responsible for a whole other human being, what do I do???"

Like, there's literally a whole thing in a book where Obi-Wan is like "does Anakin know how to swim???" so I think there were some more pressing matters on his mind than worrying about Shmi.

I will also say that in another video Matthew says that Shmi and Anakin were just fine as slaves because Watto is shown to "treat them well," so he can't really use both arguments in this situation. If Shmi was "just fine" in slavery, then why should the Jedi go back to check on her or free her?

Either she's fine and the Jedi have no reason to go check on her, or she's not fine and the Jedi need to.

One or the other, buddy.

Plus, only Obi-Wan, Qui-Gon, and Anakin knew about Shmi. Qui-Gon dies, Obi-Wan is juggling enough things as is, and Anakin clearly never tells anyone else about his mother--so what was anyone else supposed to do about someone they didn't even know existed?

Second...you're getting your movies and also literally everything that happens mixed up.

The Jedi do not "win the war," a war fucking starts--which spreads them thin across the galaxy to the point that they can barely take care of the problems right under their noses without another fire starting somewhere else that they need to get to, so I doubt they'd have the time to go searching for Shmi. Plus, at the end of that war, the Jedi get fucking genocided...idk what you want them to do while they're getting murdered in the halls of their home.

Now, if you're talking about the mess on Naboo, that is over at the end of TPM--not in the "10 year span" you're talking about. It wouldn't be a stretch to say that, if Obi-Wan did go back to try and buy Shmi's freedom, that Watto's answer would be the same, and what would be the point of Obi-Wan going back a day after Watto already refused to ask the same question again?

And why isn't Padme held to the same standard?

Why aren't you asking why she--with more money, power, time, and resources--didn't go back to free Shmi?

Interesting double standard there.

---

Matthew quote continued:

"What makes the death of Anakin's mother all the more tragic, is that all of it could have been prevented. He reaches her just as she's in her dying breaths. Had he arrived days, or even hours earlier, his journey to Tatooine might not have ended with him having to bury her. The only reason that Anakin even knew about her is because he could sense her suffering."

Yeah, it could have been prevented...if Anakin had actually told anyone about his dreams.

In AotC Anakin mentions to Obi-Wan that he's been having dreams about his mother, but he doesn't elaborate. And when Obi-Wan tries to talk to him about those vague dreams that Anakin is telling him fuck-all about, Anakin switches the subject to Padme and doesn't bring it up to Obi-Wan again.

The Jedi are shown again and again to be extremely empathetic and, as I said before, they don't bar people from visiting their biological families if that's what they choose. If Anakin had actually told Obi-Wan "I've been having dreams of my mother dying on Tatooine and I can literally sense her pain and suffering," odds are that Obi-Wan would have encouraged him to go and check on her.

And it's made clear that Anakin was having those dreams for a while. His mother was gone for a month. If, at any point in time Anakin had actually told someone about his dreams, he probably could've gone to check on her earlier and would've been able to save her.

The only reason that Anakin wasn't supposed to go later on in the movie was because he was literally the sole person responsible for the safety of a very important Senator who people were actively trying to assassinate.

[mushroom-witch-writes]

Empty Sounds of Hate

Chaper 1

Eddie Munson x f!reader

Genre: enemies to lovers, angst

Warnings: cursing, mentions of alcohol/ smoking

Note: So this is my first story after a while, a bit shit , but that's okay cuz the next chapters will be angstier promse. Slightly proofread. Feel free to point out any warnings or typos I might have missed. love you all <3

Word count: 1.708

Just another day walking to school. You had just missed the buss of course ,but it gave you time to think so it wasn’t that bad. Music blasted in your ears and the cold morning breeze was hitting your face as a white, beat up van stopped  beside you. Not just any white beat up van, Munson’s van. “Morning poser, exercising to fit that sex bomb bad bitch persona are we?” the brown haired boy asked with a mocking tone “how bout you fuck off Munson? It’s 8 in the morning and I’m not in the mood for this” he laughed and licked his lips “oh you know how I love it when you get feisty y/n” you gave him the finger before he drove off and mouthed “prick”.

You and Munson had history , well , in your head at least. You used to go crazy over him when you first arrived to Hawkins. You tried on different styles to find what fits you best and hanging out with Harrington and his clique of assholes was the thing that made Eddie hate you. After Steve graduated you figured you should stick to your own personal style which for the most part matched Eddie’s ,but of course then he assumed that you’re just posing as something you’re not, like you had in the past.

School was hell. Not because something out of the blue happened, but because it was so boring. You were packing up your stuff next to Robin when she spoke “ So Steve said there’s a party at Claire’s tonight” she said with a smirk “ we could check it out, I mean spring break starts tomorrow “ you looked at her with a straight face “ a little fun can’t hurt I guess” you replied and she jumped up. Munson walked down the hall and Robin’s face instantly lit up , you mouthed a no to her but to no avail “ hey creep you should check Claire’s party tonight with us, good for business” she whispered the last part. “only if my favourite person tags along” he said with some theatrics here and there “now that I think about it I have a thing to do” you said smirking at him “ great so we’re all going” Robin said.

Evening came and you were all dressed up , wearing a short zip up leather skirt , leopard top , fishnet tights , hair all poofed up and messy , looking like a rock star’s wet dream. Your mom dropped you off at the family video to wait for your friends and then head to the party together. “…yeah I get it okay? I just think that the Lost Boys is the best vampire film till now” you argued with Steve “yea cause you have no taste y/n” That was when you heard a van pull up blasting Iron  Maiden “uh guys , why is HE here?” you asked half panicked. It’s not like you didn’t know that he was coming , just the fact that he would see you right now , in that lighting made you self conscious. Okay maybe you weren’t over the whole crush on Eddie Munson.

“ Does my hair look like a rat’s nest?” you asked Steve and he smiled mischievously “why do you care?” he replied as Munson walked in. When his eyes landed on you his entire brain shut off. “ Oh Munson don’t start” you said right of the bat before he could say anything. His palms were sweating and he couldn’t ,for the life of him, find the right thing to say. “No I was thinking… I’m really high right now…the lights in here probably freaked me out” he said finishing with an awkward laugh. You just stayed there just gawking at each other while Steve and Robin just stared in accomplishment. “ooookay we shall go” Robin finally said. They closed up and you all walked out the family video.

“ There’s this problem, Steve’s car is full of boxes and it only fits two, hope you have no problem riding there with Eddie?” Steve looked confused ,as always “No it’s no-“  Robin elbowed him “oh right, the boxes , yea, filled, sorry” he said. “ I hate you guys” you said and walked to Munson’s van . “ Ah princess, why is your carriage leaving without you?” he said while rolling a cig “ because this is my carriage tonight” you said showing him his van. He looked at you wide eyed and laughed while mouthing something along the lines of ‘these assholes’ “ okay , do you mind me smoking ? Actually don’t reply, I don’t really care. Hop in” this was going to be fun.

“ Seriously Munson, you enjoy smoking that?” you asked while you were rolling your own “ you’re not here to lecture me for smoking sweetheart you’re here t- oh ,ohhh look at that” he said when he heard the clicking noise of your lighter. He kept driving and you both laughed a little. The ride was quiet, you would both steal looks from each other. “hey Eddie, quick question” “I don’t think I’ll be replying ,but shoot” he said in monotone “ why do you hate me so much? I mean, have I done something to you?” ‘ yes you have been haunting my whole entire existence ever since you came and I can’t allow a person to come too close’ he thought but spat out “ I just don’t like you. No reason behind it other than the fact that you’re pretentious.”

You regretted ever asking. The car fell quiet again. He parked and you got out as quick as you could and slammed his door. He looked at you and cursed himself for being the asshole he is. You were hurt at his words ,but this wasn’t the time for this, tonight you were going to have fun. You walked in to find Robin.

Once you found her you took her hand and ran to the kitchen to get boose. “ so how was your ride” she asked smiling while you poured the drink in your cup. “ I still hate you” you replied smiling to hide the fact that his words popped in your mind again. “let’s go dance I don’t want to think about that asshole right now” you said after taking a big ship. She led you to the living room and you booth started dancing at the sound of ABBA. Yea you were into metal and rock , but no one can deny ABBA.

An hour passed and you were both drunk out of your minds. Steve was dancing with you after getting rejected by half the girls in the party. “ hey I’ll go get a refill, be right back” you probably shouldn’t drink more ,but tonight you wanted to feel numb. As you got to the counter where the drinks were , you were greeted by non other than Jack Miles. He was a douchebag sure , but he was also the school’s heartthrob right now. “ hey y/n , didn’t know these parties were your ‘scene’” he said with a soft smile. From the corner of your eye you noticed Eddie looking, you don’t know why but you were hoping he would get jealous.

“ it’s not my scene, I’m spicing it up” you replied smiling and looking for a filled bottle “looking for this?” he asked bottle in hand “ yea thanks” you said holding out your cup as he refilled it “ so y/n , we should hang out sometime” “ aren’t we hanging out now?” you asked with a smile leaning towards him “ sometime when we’re not both drunk out of our minds so I can do what I’ve been meaning to for so long” you batted your eyelashes at him “ and what would that be?” you asked trying to look as flirty as you could “well I really wanted to kiss you ,you know…” he said coming closer when all of the sudden you felt an arm around your shoulder. “ hey babe, missed you back there, oh hi Jack?” Eddie said “ yea yea Jack..ugh I gotta go I think the boys are ready to leave, see you around y/n” he said leaving.

You chugged your drink while Eddie laughed , threw his arm off your shoulder and ran out the house. He ran after you “ Did you see that guys face? Hahaaaa oh come on y/n that was funny as fuck” you turned to him “ what the fuck is wrong with you Munson?” he smiled down at you “oh did I fuck up your night love ?” you walked closer “fuck you Munson , I was having fun with that guy” you said angrier than ever.

 Steve and Robs walked out the house and saw you two arguing “hey what’s wrong” Steve asked carrying Robin “ Eddie the virgin Munson decided to spoil my fucking night because he can’t stand to see me having fun with someone” it was true , but not because he didn’t want you to have fun with someone ,but because he would kill to be that someone. “ you’re making it sound like I would ever give a damn about you. I fucked up your night and I couldn’t be happier” your eyes started welling up as you stepped even closer pulling his chin close to you “ don’t ever come near me again, I’m done with your bullshit, I’m done with you being a fucking piece of shit and I’m done with trying to put up with your shit. I fucking despise you Eddie Munson” you spat out with a trembling voice.

 He just looked at you , he didn’t move nor did he say anything. Just looked at the only girl he had eyes for walk away crying, because that’s what Eddie did. He fucked everything up and then did nothing about it. “ you are a jerk man” Steve said walking Robin to his car “ don’t go after her, not that you would. I’ll take her home. You should go home too” he told Eddie before he left.

[boltlightning]

What things have you watched for more Davenport stuff, and what did you think about it?

I'm considering buying a DVD set of Smash, and see if I can watch 10 percent, The Wedding Date and Next of Kin online.

I've already seen Kingsman (not just for him), The Journey of Mary Bryant but have yet to watch The Talented Mr. Ripley.

lmao. the amount of time i have spent on this dude...i'm gonna put this below a cut on the off-chance this won't show up in the tags, but here, in an orderly categorized list, is what i've watched for this dude

i would recommend:

p.irates of the caribbean — lmao

the t.alented mr ripley — this movie is not scary but it is haunting. it will stick with you like carrion to bones. highly recommend

why w.omen kill — he and lucy liu steal the show in season 1, which is very good, and he's the narrator in season 2, which is less good, but still entertaining. this show is so so good. please watch it

the incredible journey of m.ary bryant — it's probably a whole hour longer than it needs to be but everyone is putting their whole hearts into their performances

haven't we met before? this extremely cute commercial with f.elicity jones — it's five minutes long. it's adorable. it's even a little saucy. he's got the smash-era hair without being in smash. very good.

the m.oth 1997 — this was very early in his career and you can really tell, but he is adorable, and the writing itself perfectly embodies that hokey, melodramatic period drama bullshit that i so love

e.roica 2003 — 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥 THE 19TH CENTURY FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

i wouldn't recommend, and he's not in them very much, but they're alright:

the m.orning show — check for triggers. he's only in the first season but he's great. and it turns into a soap opera in the second season on and not in a good way

k.ingsmen — justice for my guy. RIP

p.irate radio — b.ill nighy is great in this! jdav is in a gorgeous longcoat. but then there is the misogyny

a u.nited kingdom — gorgeous film, killer cast, oversimplification of history but very good for what it is. jdav leans into the sneering brit archetype so hard it makes you realize he definitely could sound more sinister than he already does, he just rarely drops his voice to the bottom of his register

i wouldn't recommend, but you may like them if you go in with more information:

s.mash — given all the talent on this show, it is baffling that it's so bad. jdav plays a genuinely awful man who is by far the most interesting character in the show, which means every conflict centers around him, and not always in a good way. watch this show to see jdav handsomely draped across furniture serving cunt alongside c.hristian borle and a.njelica houston and m.egan hilty and enjoy some of the the greatest musical performances ever conceived. ignore everything else. it is not worth your brain cells

the w.edding date — maybe the worst romcom i've ever seen? jdav is adorable and playing an atypical idiot. he has more chemistry with the romantic interest then the actual lead, to the point where i thought they'd end up together

f.lashforward — i enjoyed this show and will be thinking about it for a long time. it's a nostalgic 2000s 24-alike, but it won't be for everyone. his character is very sweet, which is a rarity and a boon.

g.uernica — i would rate this movie a c- but jdav's accent in this needs to be heard to be believed. also burn gorman is there. burn my beloved

you should not watch:

he was in a netflix western set in australia that was so bad i'm not going to bother looking up the name. it is GORGEOUS but you should watch this movie muted and with the captions off and you will inevitably come up with a better plot. listen to a little bit of his accent though.

don't watch smash. please god. don't do it. i know what category i put it in but don't do it. listen to me. i'm begging you.

i have heard good things about w.hy women kill and g.uernica though! and i've been trying to track down the m.oth, they've been on my list forever. definitely let me know about 10 percent, i have no way of finding that as an american lol

july 2024 edit: list has been updated. still haven't tracked down 10 percent <3

[areislol]

DUDE DUDE AAAAAHHHH I have so many ideas for your Creator! Reader au. I love the reverse Saga AU so much.

Do you know how big is Teyvat compared to our world? I checked it and Teyvat is as big as Paraguay (In latinamerica), so to explain this to them you show them a map and oh boy the difference of our worlds size compared to theirs could be overwhelming. Tighnari having a existential crisis about how little not only Teyvat but the Avidya forest is compared to the Amazon rainforest (1.4 billion acres of land and only a little percentage has been explored). The fact that we know more about the space than of our oun oceans.

Watching a documentary film about our world and universe in general, Teyvat is around 2000 to 10 000 years old (I couldn't find the exact answer) the documentary shows Earth is around 4.54 billion years old (like damn wtf). The overwhelming amount of events that had occurred all over the world like the black death pandemic that killed between 5 to 40% of the world's population (25 million to 200 million people (Teyvat's population is around 10 million to 150 million depending between models)), the bombas that devastated Hiroshima and Nagasaki, the atrocities committed during the World war II etc etc I could go for days with this.

Now about the money 242.3 Mora is worth 1 USA dollar. So for a bill worth of $150.47 (from your 2nd chapter I think) would be worth 36 345 moras?? I think? After learning this they would feel so bad my poor babies

If there is any mistake sorry, spanish is my first lenguage

omg i'm so glad you're enjoying my reverse isekai'd series 😭😭 and i would love nothing more than for you to tell me your ideas (if you want) so maybe i can add them into the future chapters (with your credit ofc)

i think tighnari, albedo, zhongli, neuvillette and aether would be REEEALLLYY interested in earth's origin (the theories) and the history cuz WTF YOU GUYS HAVE TWO WORLD WAR AND POTENTIALLY WW3 TOO???

but honestly all of them are intrigued with your history but some wouldn't even be able to get passed 30 minutes after watching a documentary, the terrors and horrific things that are happening all over the world/past really gets to them and the fact you live in the world? see, this is why you should come live in TEYVAT, where you belong.

and the money conversion is a big thing too LMAO and no worries your english is all well and good! <3

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

The video version of James Acaster's Hecklers Welcome is finally out, and it's much better than the audio version. If you like James Acaster and you want to know what stand-up show he's written now, I highly recommend checking out his HBO special. Listening to the audio version on to top of that is something I'd recommend only if you're a completist (which I am), or if you particularly hear James Acaster get sidetracked by discussions with teenagers - which, to be fair to all involved, did get rather funny at times. But not nearly as funny as the actual show, which can now be seen on HBO.

The HBO show is still fairly annoying, frustratingly. Every time he goes to a new topic, instead of trying for a nice, unobtrusive edit point like a normal fucking special, they transition via about half a second of James Acaster drumming, or doing yoga, or playing tetherball, or there's a guy in a dinosaur costume walking around. I guess the dino guy was probably meant to represent his demons or some shit? There was a story about yoga in the show. And we know he's really into drumming, and used to be in bands, and this show's about his history of public performing. No idea why he was playing tetherball. But whatever the reason behind this cool experimental editing idea, holy fuck is it ever annoying. Every time I start to get really settled into enjoying the show, it's been a while since we've heard a heckle, I'm thinking - "okay, James Acaster's just going to perform this lovely show he's written, no distractions this time," I get taken out of the enjoyment by a jump cut via shots of his drumming for no fucking reason.

It's just occurred to me, right now, that that could have been part of the point. Maybe? Trying to demonstrate how a show never goes smoothly. There are always audience members who heckle or stand up or cough too much, the room is too hot or too cold or there's a buzz or hum from the air conditioner or you can hear the construction outside - whatever it is, you'll never the perfect, distraction-free show, and James Acaster has now learned that trying to control every variable is pointless, so he's leaning into the distractions. And to represent this, has added artificial annoying distractions into the film. Was that the intention of those cuts? Probably not. If it were the point, I'd at least give them credit for being clever, I guess. But still, way too annoying to justify the point being made, I just wanted them to stop.

The HBO show did have some heckles, but none that derailed the entire gig the way the audio version did. Given that, I guess it is kind of cool that he's released both versions. You can hear the actual show - the HBO version - and the experiment where he lets hecklers take over - the audio version. It's an interesting comparison, for the completist. But only for the completist. Everyone else should just watch the actual show.

There is no such thing as a perfect stand-up show. A live event will always have distractions; even if the audience is perfect, there will be something in the venue that can take you out of the experience. A film is supposed to solve this, of course. They can edit out the hum of the air conditioner, the coughs from the audience. You can get it from the comfort of your own home, climate controlled to your taste. Lights set up to your taste. And you don't need to tense up too much if you hear the audience get involved, because you know it can't have gone that badly, or it wouldn't have been left in.

That was an interesting thing to me when I went to London/Edinburgh this summer, and saw, I think, 35 live shows in two weeks (most in Edinburgh, obviously, but some in London as well). Whenever someone from the audience spoke up - for a heckle, or even just for crowd work - I would have this brief, initial, automatic reaction of feeling like it's okay, if this goes badly it would be edited out. Because I've seen/heard so much recorded stand-up, I'm used to thinking that automatically (though actually, in the last two years the majority of recorded stand-up I've heard has been from bootlegs, where nothing's edited, so I'm not sure why I still have that instinct). Then I have to remind myself that no, this is live, I might be in for an incredibly awkward interaction, with no editing process to smooth it over. And then, I do get tense.

Watching stand-up live is much, much better than hearing a recording, obviously. It's better to be in the room, the immersive experience, the atmosphere in the air, where anything could happen. And it's better to experience the whole show, exactly as it was performed, rather than having that thing in the back of my head that thinks "I wonder what edits they've made here?" But the counterpoint to that is that anything could happen, including awkward interactions. The trade-off - the sole advantage that and edited stand-up special has over watching a show live (or hearing a bootleg) - is that at least you don't get the awkward crowd interactions. I hate knowing a show's been edited, because I want to know exactly what was said in the room. By the performer. But the audience getting edited out is nice.

So James Acaster has found a way to give us the worst of both worlds. We don't get the fun experience of being physically in the room, but also, we don't get the comfort of knowing that the heckles have been edited out, the distractions smoothed over so we just have the show. They've left in the audience shouting, and any time we start to get too into the stories he's telling, there's a shot of James interrupting his own show by playing the drums.

I think the first thing that comes to most people's minds, when they hear the word "heckle", is someone from the audience yelling "You're shit!" or something similar. I'm pretty sure there are some people who actually think it's not a heckle if it's not an insult. There are people who've shouted positive things in the show and think they're not a heckler, because they were being nice.

But actually, a heckle is anyone from the audience who talks when they've not been explicitly asked to do so, and as far as I can tell, the majority of heckles - these days, at least - are just audience members trying to be funny. Shouting out a callback or a punchline, or a catchphrase of the performer, or some experience they've had with whatever's being talked about on stage. Something they think will amuse the rest of the audience - or, even more cringe-worthy, they think they'll amuse the performer. And I can't stand that. I'd rather hear someone shout "You're shit!" than shout "Papadams or bread?" any day (no one actually shouted "papadams or bread?" in this show, it's just the type of thing they might have shouted). My entire brain contorts itself into a tiny ball, whenever I hear someone try to be funny, but they don't realize that they're actually being incredibly annoying.

I know that most people don't like hearing someone try and fail to be funny while actually being annoying, but I really cannot stand it, to the point where I think I've probably got some issues or something related to it. This whole show was about James Acaster going to therapy and realizing what parts of his past have giving him the maladpative reactive patterns he has today - I probably have some history or something that makes me so unable to hear people try, and fail, to be funny at inappropriate times. Perhaps when I was in school, the kids who spoke out of turn while trying to be the "class clown" also tended to be the bullies? It's not even that, though. I don't feel afraid of the people who heckle, the way I would of a bully. I feel frustrated that they're interrupting the show I want to see, and I feel a lot of frustration toward them, but that frustration is dwarfed by the absolute oceans of unbearable second-hand embarrassment that I feel for them. I hate it.

So that's what James Acaster's Hecklers Welcome is. There are annoying distractions, there's some second-hand embarrassment of audience members trying to be funny (there is exactly one audience member who came up with a heckle that actually was funny - an incredibly rare occurrence, not just in this show but anywhere - but that moment was immediately ruined by lots of other audience members trying to jump on the bandwagon in un-funny ways, which reminded me of the way that in the kindergarten class where I work, any time a kid gets any attention for doing something well, all the other kids have to immediately try the same thing because they need attention too). They've done their best to replicate the negative aspects of seeing a show in person, while you still don't get the positives of actually being in the room, of knowing exactly what the performer said, instead of wondering what was between the edit points. I still think the only really good way to experience stand-up comedy, if you're not able to physically be in the room, is an unedited bootleg.

However, you do get to see the material in the show Hecklers Welcome - which is more than I can say for the audio release. And it's really, really good material. I'd thought, for the last couple of years, that this "hecklers welcome" gimmick is a mildly interesting idea, as experimental comedy, but it's only justifiable if at the end of it, he releases a filmed version of the actual show, done properly. So that all those people who paid for tickets on nights that got ruined by heckler distractions - those people still get to see the material eventually. It's fine if he messes around with individual nights on a tour, I guess (though people might not think that if they were the ones who paid for tickets and commutes and maybe babysitters and things, and then they were among the majority of audience members who did behave themselves throughout the show, and they didn't get to see the material they paid for because of a couple of hecklers), as long as he releases a definitive version eventually, free of derailment.

I can't say he's fully done that, and I'm disappointed to say so. However, the material does get performed. It's really, really, really good material. It's a really, really, really good show. Basically, it's worth it. Most people's stand-up comedy would not be worth sitting through distractions, in an edited stand-up special, just to see the show. James Acaster can get away with it because he's very, very talented ("James Acaster can get away with it because he's very, very talented" should possibly be the tagline for his whole career), and I think this might be his best show yet. So I really recommend watching the HBO version, if you've not been lucky enough to hear it live, on a night when the audience didn't fuck it up. If you have already heard it like that, then you should probably skip the version where he keeps playing the drums during it.